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Comoto CV Funny Friday: Don’t Lie if you get caught like John

Honesty is a virtue especially when your lies is obvious – Comoto CV Funny Friday

In some of our Comoto CV Funny Friday posts, we state the importance of not lying and being honest all the way through the recruitment process. We still think this, and we all have seen a lot of examples of CVs or Resumes where public people people are caught lying !

I believe sometimes bad habits start early – at least this little guy is worth a laugh when he was caught lying!Comoto Funny

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Kren

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Comoto CV Funny Friday: Honesty is a virtue but this CV is…

Honesty is the virtue of refusing to fake the facts of reality – Comoto CV Funny Friday

In some of our Comoto CV Funny Friday posts, we state the importance of not lying and being honest all the way through the recruitment process. We still think this, and we have seen a lot of CVs or Resumes and but the ad below is taking the first-prize in honesty. But again how would you explain a 10 year gap in your CV, that would be a bit hard to explain and still being honest.

It is admirable the honesty and the straight forward way to explain this, and we really hope that the person behind this ad, has found a position so that he/she can take care of his family and get a good life.

It was posted in the Canadian newspaper, Toronto Financials in Feb, 2001.


Comoto CV FunnyFormer Marijuana Smuggler
Having successfully completed a ten year sentence, incident-free, for  importing 75 tons of marijuana into the United States. I am now seeking a legal and legitimate means to support myself and my family.

Business Experience:
Owned and operated a successful fishing business- multi-vessel, one airplane, one island and processing facility. Simultaneously owned and operated a fleet of tractor-trailer trucks conducting business in the western United States. During this time i also co-owned and participated in the executive level management of 120 people worldwide in a successful pot smuggling venture with revenues in excess of US$100 million annually. I took responsibility for my own actions, and received a ten year sentence in the United States while others walked free for their cooperation.

Attributes:
I am an expert in all levels of security; i have extensive computer skills, am personable, outgoing, well-educated, reliable, clean and sober. I have spoken in schools to thousands of kids and parent groups over the past ten years on “the consequence of choice”, and received public recognition from the RCMP for community service. I am well-traveled and speak English, French and Spanish. References available from friends, family, the US District Attorney, etc.

Please direct replies to
Box 37, National Post, Classified
1450 Don Mills, ON M3B 3R5


11 steps to a successful CV

11 steps to a successful CV

Your CV is like a showroom; it should display your qualification to recruiter or head-hunters as they skim your CV. How do you make them choose your CV? And how do the recruiters / head-hunters turn a pile of CV into just a few CV’s, including yours?

Follow these eleven simple tips to ensure your CV is among the few left when the recruiter goes back to his customer and says “I just found the perfect match!”

1. Find the type of CV wanted

The first thing you should do is to find out what form and style the company wants for the CV or what form and style is normally used in your line of work. Is it a two-pager, is it chronological? If you don’t know, then just call the recruiter and he/she will happily guide you.

2. Keep it concise

Your CV should be short and to the point, leave out unnecessary filling. Recruiters don’t want to spend a lot of time on reviewing a long CV – if you send them an encyclopaedic drilldown of your life to date, they won’t find the information they want. Keep it short and to the point and save the details for the interview.

3. Target your CV to the job

Take the time necessary to adapt your CV to each position you apply for. Get some background information on company and use the keywords in the job ad to find out which skills you should use and which you should leave out.

4. Personal statement

Tie your experience and work history to the vacant position so that the recruiter / head-hunter can see the connection between why he should choose you. This is best done with a brief personal statement to be sure the recruiter / head-hunter sees the connection.

5. Leave out gaps

Recruiters’ don’t like gaps – if they spot a gap they will either dig deeper to find out what is this al about (more work for them) or they will just go on to the next in the pile of interesting CV’s. If you have a gap, make a positive thing out of it, give them extra experience or another twist on the gap.

6. CV must be up-to-date

Be sure that your CV is always up-to-date, especially if it is an online CV it must always be up-to-date. Regardless of whether you’re actively job seeking, every time you gain some experience or otherwise have information for your CV, make the changes right away.

7. No mistakes and misspellings in your CV

Don’t let the recruiter / head-hunter dismiss your CV just because you made a mistake or misspelled something. Many recruiters / head-hunters see these types of mistakes as severe. They say “If you can’t even spell right or made stupid mistakes, you probably haven’t even read the CV after you wrote it.” Use a spellchecker on the text and have someone you trust, proofread it to get a second opinion.

8. Only the truth and nothing but the truth

Never ever tell a lie in your CV as many recruiters / head-hunter use references and their network to check the facts of your CV. If you tell a lie and it is discovered afterwards it is a reason to dismiss you and nobody wants that. Many times any inconsistencies are also discovered in the job by a simple Google search or at the interview and there it will be probed if they find any “lies”.

9. Remember numbers and facts

If you can – it is always a good idea to back up your achievements with numbers. Writing your work experience and achievements, don’t just tell the recruiter you increased profit; show them how much: EBIT increased 78% over 2 years, with a growth rate of sales on 30% over the same period.

10. Layout / design matters

Use a CV template that is in line with your profile. Marketing people can make something very chick and creative, but please if you are an accountant please choose a CV template that signals the right things. It all depends on the sector and what is normal, don’t use the design to make you standout in a negative manner.

11. Remember to use sector specific keywords

Today CV’s are many times online profiles, or CV’s that will be put into a recruiter / head-hunter internal IT systems for indexing and searching capabilities. These systems make use of keywords to search for, just like Google like specific keywords recruiters do so to. Make the keywords 100% aligned with the vacant position and also have some extra in there that can be the extra something to make you stand out from the crowd.